Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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