Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
