guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
