life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize