If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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