I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the day after is always just damage control
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
