proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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