I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
