so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
