I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
