We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
