You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
