2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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