I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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