I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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