I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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