Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
