you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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