But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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