I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
