my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm like, not good at living.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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