was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
