If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
