I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
