Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
