the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize