Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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