I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize