Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
