i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize