I'm sorry my penis didn't work
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
