WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
