u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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