I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
