last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
