I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
