just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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