Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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