im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
