Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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