haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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