Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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