I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
