I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
