I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
