I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
