The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
