Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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