She's JV to your varsity
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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