the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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