girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
