He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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