Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
