I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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