Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
