Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
