Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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