I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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