Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
