Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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