I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
