he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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