im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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