awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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