Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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