Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize